You never own your children

I came across the tagline of Swiss watch Patek Philippe, which reads, “You never actually own a Patek Philippe. You merely look after it for the next generation.”

But I am thinking of something else:

You never really own your children. You merely look after them until they can be independent.

There have been many tragedies whereby depressed women killed their children before committing suicide. They probably thought that they owned their children, and therefore have the right to ‘destroy’ them. What surprise me is that, these tragedies, also known as filicide-suicide, happen not just in Asia but in Western countries as well. (Read, for example, here and here.)

The fool worries, thinking, “I have sons, I have wealth.” Indeed, when he himself is not his own, whence are sons, whence is wealth?

- Dhammapada verse 62

Fear

I was overwhelmed with anxiety and depression when I heard the dreaded "C" word – my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer.

I realized that, even after years of meditation, I still couldn’t cope with fear, the fear of losing my loved ones.

It also shows that the practice of meditation alone is insufficient. We still need to have Right Understanding, the understanding of anicca (impermanence) and dukkha (unsatisfactory).

Fortunately, my mom was diagnosed at the early stage of cancer, and she is recovering after undergoing a surgery to remove the tumor.

Some Questions on Metta Meditation

Metta Meditation, as many of us already know, is a practice commonly used to develop loving-kindness and compassion.

In practicing Metta, we first direct loving-kindness to ourselves; as we are at peace with ourselves, we proceed to extend the goodwill to others – not just people, but all living beings.

Rev Sujiva of Malaysia suggested that we develop metta in the following stages, by directing loving-kindness to these people:

1. oneself
2. lovable person (e.g. parents, teachers)
3. intimate person (e.g. family members)
4. neutral person
5. repulsive person
6. inimical person

(Reference: Sujiva, Divine Abodes – Meditation on Loving Kindness and Other Sublime States)

Traditionally, we are told that lovable person cannot someone of opposite sex. This is to avoid turning goodwill into lust. While we can, and are supposed to, direct our goodwill to all people in the subsequent stages, we should never do so to a person of opposite sex in Stage 2.

But I always have one doubt: can’t a man select his mother to be that lovable person? Or, can’t a woman direct her loving-kindness to her father at Stage 2?

How about gay men and lesbians who practice Metta Meditation? Should they actually direct loving-kindness to a person of opposite sex???

Wat Chetawan

Wat Chetawan is a Thai temple located at Petaling Jaya, Malaysia. Here are some photos taken there...

What is Metta

Metta is a Pali word which means loving-kindness, or good will. Its Sanskrit equivalent is maitre. Metta is one of the Four Divine Abodes which Buddhists are expected to practice. The other three are karuna (compassion), mudita (appreciative joy) and upekkha (equanimity).

Buddhist meditation masters have conceived of a method to cultivate loving-kindness. It is called Metta Meditation or Loving-kindness Meditation. In practicing Loving-kindness Meditation, we repeatedly recite, in the mind, these verses:

May [someone] be free from enmity and danger

May you be free from mental sufferings

May you be free from physical sufferings

May you be well and happy

(Note: there are many variations of these formulae.)

A teacher told us to add an additional step at the beginning of meditation:

If we have done something that has upset another person, mentally say, “Please forgive me.”

But I can’t help but wonder: Wouldn’t it be better to actually apologize to that person, rather than doing it silently?

I notice that many Buddhist meditators have come to equate metta to Loving-kindness Meditation. This misconception is more evident following the anti-junta demonstration led by monks in Burma recently.

Some Buddhist teachers in Malaysia believe that the monks should not confront the junta, but should, instead, send metta to the generals. They also advised us to send metta to the demonstrators. In other words, we should recite the four loving-kindness formulae and do nothing else.

It looks like metta is all about right thoughts. But do we need right actions?

Who Inspired Me

[This post is a response to PeterAtLarge’s question: Who inspired you? I only touch on spiritual side here, even though Peter allows a broader scope.]

Who inspired me? That's a tough question to answer.

I am a Malaysian of Chinese origin. Chinese traditionally practiced a religion which combined Buddhism, Taoism and Confucianism. I knew a little bit about Buddhism when I was young. When I was studying in the university, I learned that the Buddhist Society organized a meditation retreat, and I grabbed the opportunity. The rest was history.

One teacher whom I respect very much is Rev Sujiva – a Malaysian monk who was trained in Mahasi Sayadaw tradition, and founded the Santisukharama Hermitage. He told us not to fear the pain when we sat. “If you cannot bear the pain in meditation, how can you bear the pain when you are dying?”

Then, I had a chance to work as a contract engineer in California. I went to Thanissaro Bhikkhu’s Metta Forest Monastery a couple of times. Thanissaro Bhikkhu, more commonly known as Ajahn Geoff, was a Theravada monk whose works can be found in Access To Insight. While he taught meditation, he also regularly stressed the importance of discipline and letting go. One influence he had on me was that I started to think beyond Vipassana.

Now I am back to my home country.

Since my university days I mostly associate with Theravada groups, or, more specifically, Vipassana groups. One shortcoming I feel is that we are not so close to the teachers. To the average practitioners, interview in a retreat is about the only time we can have dialogue with them, and the topic is strictly on meditation only. I can’t tell them my career is at a cross-road. I can’t tell them I had relationship problems… I know some of the advanced meditators will dismissed these issues as trivial, but I am a slow learner.

Sometimes I do wish that we have the kind of teacher-student relation so common in Tibetan Buddhism...

Dongzen Temple

Dongzen is a branch temple of the Taiwan-based Buddha Light International Association (BLIA). It is located in the state of Selangor, Malaysia.

Entrance to the temple...


The Hall of Mahavira. Mahavira was actually the founder of Jainism. For some unknown reasons, Chinese Buddhists mistook him for the Buddha, and the name stuck...

Inside the Hall of Mahavira is a statue of the Buddha...


University students attending a Dharma class guided by a nun...



Some interesting statues...







A picturesque garden...


The Chinese character reads Chan (Zen). The signature reads Hsing Yun, i.e. founder of BLIA.